The feeling of being felt..

Ever since their last conversation she was feeling free. She was relaxed for reasons unknown to her. She felt like her purpose of meeting this man was accomplished. This was the reason that she met him suddenly out of nowhere. Probably she was feeling free because she could equally counsel herself with this man. She was feeling light.

But their last conversation had put him to a lengthy thought process too. Her apprehensions seemed to have shifted from her to him. He was more scared than ever.

He knew he was lighter than ever but he didn’t know if what he has decided in himself is good for him.

“How you doing?”

“As good as ever.”

She now used to feel content after talking to him.

“Nice. So tell me. Tell me things that you want to.”

He wanted to hear about things now.

She started telling him general things which she would and she could talk to anyone around.

“Why you talk to me so much?”

He asked abruptly.

She went silent.

“I don’t know. May be because you are an honest man and I have never come across someone so honest in my life.”

“That is not just the reason.”

“You talk intelligent.”

She tried to find other reasons.

“Give me a better one.”

He insisted.

“Because I like talking to you!!”

“Exactly !!”

They both smiled.

“I want to tell you something.”

“ And that is ?”

“I have decided something.”

“Tell me.”

“I will not talk about my past to YOU or to anyone after this.”

“WHY ?”

She could not conceal the shock.

“I don’t want to think about it anymore. How will I be able to make a move if I stick to my past. I think you rightly said that if I will tightly close my eyes I won’t be able to see the beauty that lays ahead. I have so much more to explore.”

She was content with his words.

“Thanks for understanding this.”

She said.

“Thanks for listening patiently.”

She FELT joy for the first time. He FELT relaxed for the first time.

They both knew what each one of them was thinking.

The Night was not dark today. The night was not EMOTIONLESS today..

The turn..

“Don’t you think it takes courage to live in your past?”

He asked her.

“No. Not at all.”

“Why ?”

“You want me to answer this?”

“”Yes. I want to know your opinion about this.”

He told her.

“I think it takes courage to move on. Anyone can sit back and cry for his or her past but its takes a lot of courage to move on. Everyone has a past. I also have it. But I have learned to move on with time.”

He was as silent as the night was. It appeared to her that he has merged into the night and she was talking to herself.

“You have to understand one thing. That by holding yourself back you will lock yourself forever and when u will wish to turn back you won’t get a chance to. You say you still feel committed. But tell me what are you committed to? We are either committed to a person, a relation or a job. When the person has gone away and has taken the relation with her what are you committed to? You have to understand that to be committed there has to be something. You are only committed to your past and that is not enabling you to live in your future.”

She went silent now. She wanted him to say something.

“Say something now.”

“I am listening. And why the hell you are sounding so right”

“Because you know u want to move on but you yourself are restricting yourself.”

“I will think about it again.”

“Do that. You need to. You wish to but you are not able to. I am sure with a little
effort you will be able to do it. No job is tough if we don’t see it as one.”

Both of them went quite. The night was a very heavy one.

After some days..

She had almost forgotten about the stranger by then. She was sure that he was not to return. She was just enjoying her favorite season. Winters. She always associated herself with winters. And it was her time of the year. So she was calm ad thoughtless.

This was a very cold night. She was not waiting for anyone and was quite relaxed. She was thinking about what ever events have happened in her life in the past few days. It was late night already and when she was least expecting it. He called.

She could not react. Neither was she happy. Nor was she sad. She thought for a second and then took his call.

"Its been quite some time."

He said.

"Yes. How are you?"

She was very cold and indifferent now.

"I am good."

"You never called after that so i thought you are gone now."

"I have the tendency to go. But i come back. At times i need to be on my own. But that does not mean that i am gone."

"OK."

"I know any normal human being would expect to keep in touch. But i am a bit abnormal."

He smiled. Though she smiled but she was still indifferent.

"So how have you been."

"Its strange but i missed you for the first few days."

"Are you falling in love with me?"

He asked.

"Not at all. I missed the conversation we used to have. I somehow always relish the things you used to talk to me. Its a relation free of expectations and demands. And that had bought a lot of comfort to me."

He went silent.

"I just like COMMUNICATING. I can't love again either."

For the first time he realized that she has emotions too. He had almost forgotten that she has a long lost love too. He was embarrassed at his own question.

"Yes. I like communicating with you too. Its like I can be as honest as i want to. But I dont want you to expect from me. You felt bad when I didnt call you. But did you call me either?"

This time she went silent.

"Why do u want me to pursue you. Whats wrong if you call me and tell me that you want to talk to me."

"I just wanted to know if you are talking to me because we actually are as connected as you said we are or we are talking only because you felt heavy and you wanted someone or may be anyone to talk to."

"Why you want me to categorize our relation. You know most people believe that there are two types of relations in this world. One is the natural ones like family and the other ones are those you make. Like falling in love, Like making friends. But you know there can be other types of relations too. You can be in attached to a human being, an individual, an idea, a place. And once you are attached it does not need to be visited again and again. It does not require you to pay homage everyday. You can visit them anytime you feel and then be as happy as you were to see them or be associated to them for the first time.

Same is you for me. I might not talk to you everyday. But that does not mean that I am not attached to you. You and I can communicate and that is all i expect from you."

She was listening to all he said very quietly.

"You want to ask something else from me ?"

He asked.

"I got my reply already."

She smiled. He smiled too. Once again they both could cope up with the indifference.

"So it stopped raining?"

"Yes ever since you stopped calling. It stopped raining."

"You associate me with rains?"

"Do you have any doubts."

"But its cold here."

"Yes because now its my time."

They both smiled.

She didn't want to loose the comfort she had developed with him over the time. She wanted the conversation to be as normal as always. She knew that by bringing such thoughts in between the talks they will soon loose the comfort and she will end up loosing him.

She somehow developed an affection for the stranger. She didn't do it deliberately but his honesty always touched her. She had hardly came across such honest men. She knew that he was trying to avoid her now. She did not protest. Because the beauty of this relation was discovery. And that too mutual. She didn't want to be a burden on it.

She decided to give it a break and see if only she could feel the pain that he carries always with himself. Or even he is concerned. Ever since their last talk, her apprehension returned to her.

She went quietly to her bed. She was not able to help herself. She thought that the previous few days have left her in a dilemma. And this is making her think. Think the things she never wanted to. And strangely, now it stopped raining also.

Ever since their last conversation, it did not rain. She was relating rains to her encounter with this man. She was sure that he came to her like rains. Pouring her all over with his thoughts and disappearing like clouds which are carried away by the winds once they become lighter.

She did not hear from him from the past few days and she totally gave up the expectation as well. This was the last thought that came to her mind..

She slept without any hope. He was now fading from her thoughts..

The night was once again dark and emotionless..

The other side

This night had bought thoughts for him. He was thinking what is there in this female that he could tell her all he has been concealing. Why talking to her brings out his inner sorrows. Why he feels so relived after discussing about himself. Why he can’t pretend that he is happy without the love of his life.

Every day he thought he would think what is common between them? What will he talk to her today? But as they start talking, the conversation would flow naturally. He was wondering that is the last few years he has not been able to talk so much. He has just been listening to everyone. Its not that he didn’t try to talk before this. He did. But he didn’t succeed to communicate. He could only listen. But now he was communicating.

He thought that this night he will not call her. He should not be addicted to anything. He was scared. He was scared to be attached again. He was scared to express himself. He was scared to loose. He has already lost a lot in his life. And he didn’t want to risk it again. He decided to stay apart. He laid on the bed with his eyes wide open. He could not sleep.

He was thinking. Thinking hard of his past. Thinking what bought him here. This is certainly not what he thought he would be. He never wanted to be very rich. But he always dreamt of a peaceful life with someone he loved. He could not have imagined the kind of life he is living now. He was not very rich but he was doing well. He had all that a common man could think of for leading a comfortable life. He had friends he could party with. He had people seeking his opinion. He had people admiring him for his accomplishments. The only element missing from his life now was communication. And he was even more scared with the thought that he was communicating with her.

He thought he would talk to her for some time and after listening to him she would find him a boring man and will abandon him. This is how he has been going till now. More pain to kill the previous one. But he couldn’t succeed. Not this time actually.
He felt a serious urge to talk. He decided to call her. Talk for a few minutes and hang up. Not to an extent that he would start taking out his emotions again.

“I was waiting for your call. I had almost slept.”

She whispered.

“Hmm. How are you?”

“Am good. I have been making plans to extend my travel wishlist.”

She giggled.

“Good.”

A brief reply. She knew something was on his mind. By now she had understood him at least this much that she could tell without being judgmental about him.

“What happened?”

“I am wondering why I told you all about myself. I decided not to.”

“Its ok. Me too. But I did that too. I didn’t mean to tell you anything about myself. But I did. Its ok at times to speak your heart.”

“No its not. I don’t do this.”

“Its Ok. I am telling you. All you need to do it empty yourself so that you start filling again.”

She said gently.

“This is what I don’t want to do. I don’t want to fill myself again.”

“But why?”

“Because I cant. I don’t want to.”

She went quite. She has never argued with him till date. She didn’t do it still. He was restless and she could hear that. This was a strange thing for her also. Feeling the pain of someone she has never met.

“And why you don’t want to?”

“I am scared.”

He was as honest as always.

She was glad.

“But what’s scaring you now?”

“You.”

He replied briefly. She was perplexed.

“You don’t have to be scared of me. You should sleep. We will talk about it tomorrow.”

She said with a plain indifferent voice.

“Good Night.”

He couldn’t protest. But he was feeling better that he communicated what he felt.

“Good Night”

He went to his bed. Closed his eyes with a calm mind and fell asleep.

She went to her’s with her eyes wide open. The thoughts have changed their course and medium.

Over a Few Days

She was surprised what has made her felt like this. For the first time rains were bringing her some thoughts. It was strangely raining ever since she started talking to the stranger. And every time it rains she thinks of the stranger and his strange encounters with rains.

This is was a night which was very cold as it was raining since the evening. She was sitting alone and could think as it was her season too. Winters had come and this time with rains.

She never had this idea that someday she would talk to someone like this and will think about the pain he has been through. She somehow forgot the problems of her life and all her emphasis was on her thoughts which were majorly occupied with the stranger and his life.

He had not called her from a past couple of days and she did not want him to do anything forcefully. There communication has been very much mutual and she wanted it to stay like this.

Totally engrossed in her thoughts she checked her phone again. NO Calls still. She decided to call it off for the day and rested herself on the pillow. She could not let go of the thoughts though. She didn't knew when did she slept but she was woken up by the ring bell of the phone.

"I thought you wont call again."

"And what made you think again?"

"My intuitions. I trust them more than my conscious mind."

"Hmm. Why you always be so judgmental about people?"

"I was not being judgmental."

"Yes you were. Why do you carry so much prejudice for me."

She went quite. She didn't know what should the answer to this question be.

"Tell me. What made you think that I wont call. I told you i could share myself with you. I was busy for that last two days. I thought you would understand."

She didn't say anything. She could not.She did understand but she could not deliver it. She could not told him that she has been too much surrounded by thoughts of his life.

"What kept you busy?"

She asked to change the topic and to lessen her embarrassment.

"Work. I had some important projects to complete. So was kind of working 24x7."

"OK."

"So how have you been?"

He asked her to bring her at ease.

"As good as ever."

They both wanted to enlighten the burden of this night. None of them was in a mood of heavy talks. They both knew they have suffered somewhere in their respective lives and they both wanted to stop giving it thoughts. That was one common thing for which they have been talking.

"How many places in your travel wishlist have you been to?"

He asked her again.

"Now dont ask that again."

She smirked.

"We should be finding some common topics to talk to each other. We cant keep on talking about our past always.

She agreed. He agreed.

She started describing the places shes been to and he was listening to all she has to say.

Yet Another Day

By this time she was well acquainted with him. She had lost all the APPREHENSIONS as he called it.

"I have never thought that talking to a stranger would be so comfortable."

She revealed.

"Me Neither."

They both by now knew that there is no pretension in this brief relation they have. It was a plain two way conversation.

"What made you talk to me?"

She was curious.

He was though not so indifferent but still was in his own shell.

"My feeling that i could."

"And you?"

"It was mutual."

"You are the first person that would listen to me."

"I have developed this habit over the time. Usually i am not that accommodating. But Somehow i like to listen to you."

She told him.

"And i like telling you."

He broke the seriousness of the night making her smile.