She didn't want to loose the comfort she had developed with him over the time. She wanted the conversation to be as normal as always. She knew that by bringing such thoughts in between the talks they will soon loose the comfort and she will end up loosing him.
She somehow developed an affection for the stranger. She didn't do it deliberately but his honesty always touched her. She had hardly came across such honest men. She knew that he was trying to avoid her now. She did not protest. Because the beauty of this relation was discovery. And that too mutual. She didn't want to be a burden on it.
She decided to give it a break and see if only she could feel the pain that he carries always with himself. Or even he is concerned. Ever since their last talk, her apprehension returned to her.
She went quietly to her bed. She was not able to help herself. She thought that the previous few days have left her in a dilemma. And this is making her think. Think the things she never wanted to. And strangely, now it stopped raining also.
Ever since their last conversation, it did not rain. She was relating rains to her encounter with this man. She was sure that he came to her like rains. Pouring her all over with his thoughts and disappearing like clouds which are carried away by the winds once they become lighter.
She did not hear from him from the past few days and she totally gave up the expectation as well. This was the last thought that came to her mind..
She slept without any hope. He was now fading from her thoughts..
The night was once again dark and emotionless..
Monday, November 29, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
The other side
This night had bought thoughts for him. He was thinking what is there in this female that he could tell her all he has been concealing. Why talking to her brings out his inner sorrows. Why he feels so relived after discussing about himself. Why he can’t pretend that he is happy without the love of his life.
Every day he thought he would think what is common between them? What will he talk to her today? But as they start talking, the conversation would flow naturally. He was wondering that is the last few years he has not been able to talk so much. He has just been listening to everyone. Its not that he didn’t try to talk before this. He did. But he didn’t succeed to communicate. He could only listen. But now he was communicating.
He thought that this night he will not call her. He should not be addicted to anything. He was scared. He was scared to be attached again. He was scared to express himself. He was scared to loose. He has already lost a lot in his life. And he didn’t want to risk it again. He decided to stay apart. He laid on the bed with his eyes wide open. He could not sleep.
He was thinking. Thinking hard of his past. Thinking what bought him here. This is certainly not what he thought he would be. He never wanted to be very rich. But he always dreamt of a peaceful life with someone he loved. He could not have imagined the kind of life he is living now. He was not very rich but he was doing well. He had all that a common man could think of for leading a comfortable life. He had friends he could party with. He had people seeking his opinion. He had people admiring him for his accomplishments. The only element missing from his life now was communication. And he was even more scared with the thought that he was communicating with her.
He thought he would talk to her for some time and after listening to him she would find him a boring man and will abandon him. This is how he has been going till now. More pain to kill the previous one. But he couldn’t succeed. Not this time actually.
He felt a serious urge to talk. He decided to call her. Talk for a few minutes and hang up. Not to an extent that he would start taking out his emotions again.
“I was waiting for your call. I had almost slept.”
She whispered.
“Hmm. How are you?”
“Am good. I have been making plans to extend my travel wishlist.”
She giggled.
“Good.”
A brief reply. She knew something was on his mind. By now she had understood him at least this much that she could tell without being judgmental about him.
“What happened?”
“I am wondering why I told you all about myself. I decided not to.”
“Its ok. Me too. But I did that too. I didn’t mean to tell you anything about myself. But I did. Its ok at times to speak your heart.”
“No its not. I don’t do this.”
“Its Ok. I am telling you. All you need to do it empty yourself so that you start filling again.”
She said gently.
“This is what I don’t want to do. I don’t want to fill myself again.”
“But why?”
“Because I cant. I don’t want to.”
She went quite. She has never argued with him till date. She didn’t do it still. He was restless and she could hear that. This was a strange thing for her also. Feeling the pain of someone she has never met.
“And why you don’t want to?”
“I am scared.”
He was as honest as always.
She was glad.
“But what’s scaring you now?”
“You.”
He replied briefly. She was perplexed.
“You don’t have to be scared of me. You should sleep. We will talk about it tomorrow.”
She said with a plain indifferent voice.
“Good Night.”
He couldn’t protest. But he was feeling better that he communicated what he felt.
“Good Night”
He went to his bed. Closed his eyes with a calm mind and fell asleep.
She went to her’s with her eyes wide open. The thoughts have changed their course and medium.
Every day he thought he would think what is common between them? What will he talk to her today? But as they start talking, the conversation would flow naturally. He was wondering that is the last few years he has not been able to talk so much. He has just been listening to everyone. Its not that he didn’t try to talk before this. He did. But he didn’t succeed to communicate. He could only listen. But now he was communicating.
He thought that this night he will not call her. He should not be addicted to anything. He was scared. He was scared to be attached again. He was scared to express himself. He was scared to loose. He has already lost a lot in his life. And he didn’t want to risk it again. He decided to stay apart. He laid on the bed with his eyes wide open. He could not sleep.
He was thinking. Thinking hard of his past. Thinking what bought him here. This is certainly not what he thought he would be. He never wanted to be very rich. But he always dreamt of a peaceful life with someone he loved. He could not have imagined the kind of life he is living now. He was not very rich but he was doing well. He had all that a common man could think of for leading a comfortable life. He had friends he could party with. He had people seeking his opinion. He had people admiring him for his accomplishments. The only element missing from his life now was communication. And he was even more scared with the thought that he was communicating with her.
He thought he would talk to her for some time and after listening to him she would find him a boring man and will abandon him. This is how he has been going till now. More pain to kill the previous one. But he couldn’t succeed. Not this time actually.
He felt a serious urge to talk. He decided to call her. Talk for a few minutes and hang up. Not to an extent that he would start taking out his emotions again.
“I was waiting for your call. I had almost slept.”
She whispered.
“Hmm. How are you?”
“Am good. I have been making plans to extend my travel wishlist.”
She giggled.
“Good.”
A brief reply. She knew something was on his mind. By now she had understood him at least this much that she could tell without being judgmental about him.
“What happened?”
“I am wondering why I told you all about myself. I decided not to.”
“Its ok. Me too. But I did that too. I didn’t mean to tell you anything about myself. But I did. Its ok at times to speak your heart.”
“No its not. I don’t do this.”
“Its Ok. I am telling you. All you need to do it empty yourself so that you start filling again.”
She said gently.
“This is what I don’t want to do. I don’t want to fill myself again.”
“But why?”
“Because I cant. I don’t want to.”
She went quite. She has never argued with him till date. She didn’t do it still. He was restless and she could hear that. This was a strange thing for her also. Feeling the pain of someone she has never met.
“And why you don’t want to?”
“I am scared.”
He was as honest as always.
She was glad.
“But what’s scaring you now?”
“You.”
He replied briefly. She was perplexed.
“You don’t have to be scared of me. You should sleep. We will talk about it tomorrow.”
She said with a plain indifferent voice.
“Good Night.”
He couldn’t protest. But he was feeling better that he communicated what he felt.
“Good Night”
He went to his bed. Closed his eyes with a calm mind and fell asleep.
She went to her’s with her eyes wide open. The thoughts have changed their course and medium.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Over a Few Days
She was surprised what has made her felt like this. For the first time rains were bringing her some thoughts. It was strangely raining ever since she started talking to the stranger. And every time it rains she thinks of the stranger and his strange encounters with rains.
This is was a night which was very cold as it was raining since the evening. She was sitting alone and could think as it was her season too. Winters had come and this time with rains.
She never had this idea that someday she would talk to someone like this and will think about the pain he has been through. She somehow forgot the problems of her life and all her emphasis was on her thoughts which were majorly occupied with the stranger and his life.
He had not called her from a past couple of days and she did not want him to do anything forcefully. There communication has been very much mutual and she wanted it to stay like this.
Totally engrossed in her thoughts she checked her phone again. NO Calls still. She decided to call it off for the day and rested herself on the pillow. She could not let go of the thoughts though. She didn't knew when did she slept but she was woken up by the ring bell of the phone.
"I thought you wont call again."
"And what made you think again?"
"My intuitions. I trust them more than my conscious mind."
"Hmm. Why you always be so judgmental about people?"
"I was not being judgmental."
"Yes you were. Why do you carry so much prejudice for me."
She went quite. She didn't know what should the answer to this question be.
"Tell me. What made you think that I wont call. I told you i could share myself with you. I was busy for that last two days. I thought you would understand."
She didn't say anything. She could not.She did understand but she could not deliver it. She could not told him that she has been too much surrounded by thoughts of his life.
"What kept you busy?"
She asked to change the topic and to lessen her embarrassment.
"Work. I had some important projects to complete. So was kind of working 24x7."
"OK."
"So how have you been?"
He asked her to bring her at ease.
"As good as ever."
They both wanted to enlighten the burden of this night. None of them was in a mood of heavy talks. They both knew they have suffered somewhere in their respective lives and they both wanted to stop giving it thoughts. That was one common thing for which they have been talking.
"How many places in your travel wishlist have you been to?"
He asked her again.
"Now dont ask that again."
She smirked.
"We should be finding some common topics to talk to each other. We cant keep on talking about our past always.
She agreed. He agreed.
She started describing the places shes been to and he was listening to all she has to say.
This is was a night which was very cold as it was raining since the evening. She was sitting alone and could think as it was her season too. Winters had come and this time with rains.
She never had this idea that someday she would talk to someone like this and will think about the pain he has been through. She somehow forgot the problems of her life and all her emphasis was on her thoughts which were majorly occupied with the stranger and his life.
He had not called her from a past couple of days and she did not want him to do anything forcefully. There communication has been very much mutual and she wanted it to stay like this.
Totally engrossed in her thoughts she checked her phone again. NO Calls still. She decided to call it off for the day and rested herself on the pillow. She could not let go of the thoughts though. She didn't knew when did she slept but she was woken up by the ring bell of the phone.
"I thought you wont call again."
"And what made you think again?"
"My intuitions. I trust them more than my conscious mind."
"Hmm. Why you always be so judgmental about people?"
"I was not being judgmental."
"Yes you were. Why do you carry so much prejudice for me."
She went quite. She didn't know what should the answer to this question be.
"Tell me. What made you think that I wont call. I told you i could share myself with you. I was busy for that last two days. I thought you would understand."
She didn't say anything. She could not.She did understand but she could not deliver it. She could not told him that she has been too much surrounded by thoughts of his life.
"What kept you busy?"
She asked to change the topic and to lessen her embarrassment.
"Work. I had some important projects to complete. So was kind of working 24x7."
"OK."
"So how have you been?"
He asked her to bring her at ease.
"As good as ever."
They both wanted to enlighten the burden of this night. None of them was in a mood of heavy talks. They both knew they have suffered somewhere in their respective lives and they both wanted to stop giving it thoughts. That was one common thing for which they have been talking.
"How many places in your travel wishlist have you been to?"
He asked her again.
"Now dont ask that again."
She smirked.
"We should be finding some common topics to talk to each other. We cant keep on talking about our past always.
She agreed. He agreed.
She started describing the places shes been to and he was listening to all she has to say.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Yet Another Day
By this time she was well acquainted with him. She had lost all the APPREHENSIONS as he called it.
"I have never thought that talking to a stranger would be so comfortable."
She revealed.
"Me Neither."
They both by now knew that there is no pretension in this brief relation they have. It was a plain two way conversation.
"What made you talk to me?"
She was curious.
He was though not so indifferent but still was in his own shell.
"My feeling that i could."
"And you?"
"It was mutual."
"You are the first person that would listen to me."
"I have developed this habit over the time. Usually i am not that accommodating. But Somehow i like to listen to you."
She told him.
"And i like telling you."
He broke the seriousness of the night making her smile.
"I have never thought that talking to a stranger would be so comfortable."
She revealed.
"Me Neither."
They both by now knew that there is no pretension in this brief relation they have. It was a plain two way conversation.
"What made you talk to me?"
She was curious.
He was though not so indifferent but still was in his own shell.
"My feeling that i could."
"And you?"
"It was mutual."
"You are the first person that would listen to me."
"I have developed this habit over the time. Usually i am not that accommodating. But Somehow i like to listen to you."
She told him.
"And i like telling you."
He broke the seriousness of the night making her smile.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Next Time
By this time she had wiped off all her judgments of the previous nights about him. He has been listening to all she had to say. And she has been listening to all the he had to say.
There was no expectation, no complaining and no demands. They were just two people communicating with each other upon the best and the worst things they have come across in their respective lives. She decided not to talk about it again as she was aware that poking a wound makes it bleed. She decided to tell him about herself tonight.
"I have been in love too."
She said.
"I know."
"How?"
"There is hardly anyone who has not been in love. "
"He left me too."
"Hmm."
He became silent now. Unknowingly she poked him again. But he didnt protest. He wanted to listen to all that she has to say.
"Whose fault was it?"
He asked.
"None of us. Since i believe that if a relationship is successful then also its mutual and if it is a failure then also its mutual."
She went quite. He didn't say anything either.
"You are right."
He broke the silence.
"Have you moved on?"
"No one can ever forget their first love. So how can I?"
"That is true. But did u find a way with life after him?"
"Yes. Because this is the law of life. It never stops for anyone. And my feelings for him are eternal. I cannot kill them although i might seal them somewhere and will take them out in lonely times to remember how good life has been."
"You miss him?"
"Yes. I do."
"Was it not worth enough to continue?"
"Its always better to end things on a good note rather then making them so ugly that they stink when you think about them."
"Yes. You are right."
He smiled. She smiled too.
"So whats your Travel Wishlist."
He asked to change the topic.
She smiled again. She could feel that the stranger felt the same way as she did. He also restored to the measures she did two days ago.
"What? What made you smile?"
"Nothing. Will tell you someday."
"OK. So Tell Me."
As they started talking again, the Indifference was being mocked upon.
There was no expectation, no complaining and no demands. They were just two people communicating with each other upon the best and the worst things they have come across in their respective lives. She decided not to talk about it again as she was aware that poking a wound makes it bleed. She decided to tell him about herself tonight.
"I have been in love too."
She said.
"I know."
"How?"
"There is hardly anyone who has not been in love. "
"He left me too."
"Hmm."
He became silent now. Unknowingly she poked him again. But he didnt protest. He wanted to listen to all that she has to say.
"Whose fault was it?"
He asked.
"None of us. Since i believe that if a relationship is successful then also its mutual and if it is a failure then also its mutual."
She went quite. He didn't say anything either.
"You are right."
He broke the silence.
"Have you moved on?"
"No one can ever forget their first love. So how can I?"
"That is true. But did u find a way with life after him?"
"Yes. Because this is the law of life. It never stops for anyone. And my feelings for him are eternal. I cannot kill them although i might seal them somewhere and will take them out in lonely times to remember how good life has been."
"You miss him?"
"Yes. I do."
"Was it not worth enough to continue?"
"Its always better to end things on a good note rather then making them so ugly that they stink when you think about them."
"Yes. You are right."
He smiled. She smiled too.
"So whats your Travel Wishlist."
He asked to change the topic.
She smiled again. She could feel that the stranger felt the same way as she did. He also restored to the measures she did two days ago.
"What? What made you smile?"
"Nothing. Will tell you someday."
"OK. So Tell Me."
As they started talking again, the Indifference was being mocked upon.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Next Day..
"So what season you like the best?"
He started with the not so indifferent conversation.
Today she felt a little better. She was happy that he was listening to her.
"Winters."
"And why so."
"Likewise."
They kept discussing seasons for a while. They discussed the relevance of seasons and their importance in someones life. She told him all. And he listened patiently and carefully. Commenting where ever necessary.
"I guess i was being judgmental about you. I should not have done it."
"About ME ?"
"Yes."
"I thought you are not going to listen to me."
She was feeling a little odd in sharing this. But she did since she didn't want to loose honesty.
"Now this is a very serious allegation."
He smiled. She also smiled since she knew what was going to be his reaction.
"What made you think i am not going to listen to you. We dont talk to know what is our favorite color or what i like to wear or what u like to eat. I talk to you because i wanted to talk."
She said nothing. She just smiled.
"I feel naturally connected to you."
He said calmly. She could feel that he is not lying.
"Me too."
This was all she could say. She knew that he never has been fabricating himself. He never asked her any questions which would challenge a girl's dignity.
They have been talking just because they could NATURALLY CONNECT. They both wanted to share their innermost emotions and this has been the binding factor.
"So Tell me all you want to. I am all ears for you."
She paused for a while and then decided to say what she has thought last night.
"Move On."
"What?"
"You have not moved on in life. If you want to enjoy your present you will have to let go your past."
This time her voice was plain and emotionless.
"I have moved on."
"You haven't. You have moved on in the sense that you were bound to move on. You have not moved on in you free spirit. Your soul is still captured in your past."
He went quite. The silence laid between both of them for a minute.
"I will think about it. I don't know and never realized but you may be right."
She smiled. She was happy that he acknowledged her thoughts.
"I will think about it."
He said again, this time with a more determined voice.
She smiled again. It started raining again.
He started with the not so indifferent conversation.
Today she felt a little better. She was happy that he was listening to her.
"Winters."
"And why so."
"Likewise."
They kept discussing seasons for a while. They discussed the relevance of seasons and their importance in someones life. She told him all. And he listened patiently and carefully. Commenting where ever necessary.
"I guess i was being judgmental about you. I should not have done it."
"About ME ?"
"Yes."
"I thought you are not going to listen to me."
She was feeling a little odd in sharing this. But she did since she didn't want to loose honesty.
"Now this is a very serious allegation."
He smiled. She also smiled since she knew what was going to be his reaction.
"What made you think i am not going to listen to you. We dont talk to know what is our favorite color or what i like to wear or what u like to eat. I talk to you because i wanted to talk."
She said nothing. She just smiled.
"I feel naturally connected to you."
He said calmly. She could feel that he is not lying.
"Me too."
This was all she could say. She knew that he never has been fabricating himself. He never asked her any questions which would challenge a girl's dignity.
They have been talking just because they could NATURALLY CONNECT. They both wanted to share their innermost emotions and this has been the binding factor.
"So Tell me all you want to. I am all ears for you."
She paused for a while and then decided to say what she has thought last night.
"Move On."
"What?"
"You have not moved on in life. If you want to enjoy your present you will have to let go your past."
This time her voice was plain and emotionless.
"I have moved on."
"You haven't. You have moved on in the sense that you were bound to move on. You have not moved on in you free spirit. Your soul is still captured in your past."
He went quite. The silence laid between both of them for a minute.
"I will think about it. I don't know and never realized but you may be right."
She smiled. She was happy that he acknowledged her thoughts.
"I will think about it."
He said again, this time with a more determined voice.
She smiled again. It started raining again.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
One Day..
"Its Raining"
She whispered softly.
"I Know."
It was a very precise answer that he gave. His voice was plain and emotionless.
"Whenever something happens with me, It Rains. I was born on a day when it was raining heavily. Ever since this has become supernatural way of convincing me that whatever is happening is special."
He again went quite.
She was trying to figure it out what was so special about this rain. Its been hardly a few days that she knew him. All she knew was that he has been in love before and has been bitten already. Now he is remembering the love of his life and is talking to a complete stranger just to let the emotions flow out of his despairing mind.
"Does the rain remind you of her?"
"Yes. When i met her first, it was raining and i could not resist her beauty. i was smitten then and there only. When she called me for the first time, it was raining and her voice felt like fresh drops of rains on my hand.When i first told her that i love her, it was raining and her response drenched me in the water of her love. And.."
"When you lost her.. it was raining too?"
"Yes. But i still love the rains. Because they bought me to her and every rain shower reminds me of her beauty and the days that we have spent together."
"Do you miss her?"
"Yes i do. Even more with the rains."
"I Love Rains too. Although Nothing specific but i do."
She tried to change the topic. Because she didn't want him to go back to the memories of his long lost love.
"OK."
She waited for a few seconds for him to say something. But he chose to remain silent. She became silent too. It was lightening outside and thundering as well.
"Is it thundering?"
He could hear that on phone.
"Yes."
Now his indifference was spreading in the night.. taking it over. He was not concerned much with what she has to say about this rain. And she was by now totally taken over by the indifference.
She had to talk what these rains remind her of. She has to tell him as well. She had reasons too to talk to a stranger.. She wanted to say things when she told him its raining. But he was not present there mentally.
"You like rains ?"
He broke the silence after a couple of minutes.
"Yes"
"But you dont have any specific reason. Do You ?"
"I Like rains because they bring back life to everything. They represent life to me."
"You can say this because you have not lost anyone you loved more then anything"
"You can say this because you are so totally engrossed in your own thoughts that you don't want to look what is happening around you.. You are talking to me from last few days and you still didnt care to ask if i have some pain in my life too. No one in this world has been happy throughout. But you have to find happiness in mundane things. You cant hold your past so tightly that it starts suffocating your present."
He didnt protest. He knew she was right.
"But i loved her. And it is not my fault that she left me."
"Its ok. Things don't always go as planned."
"But why me?"
"Because something else is waiting for you. You dont get what you want.. You get what you need. May be you just need to take it out of your mind. COMPLETELY. Life unfolds itself with surprises. May be you lost her. But then may be there are some other things waiting for you. You have to find happiness within yourself. Now noone can bring her back but you have to bring life back to yourself."
He went quite again.
"I am sorry"
"For What?"
"Just Like That. I didnt bother to ask anything about you. I was being very selfish."
"Are you generally ill mannered?"
He Smiled.
She Smiled too.
The indifference was dissolving.
She whispered softly.
"I Know."
It was a very precise answer that he gave. His voice was plain and emotionless.
"Whenever something happens with me, It Rains. I was born on a day when it was raining heavily. Ever since this has become supernatural way of convincing me that whatever is happening is special."
He again went quite.
She was trying to figure it out what was so special about this rain. Its been hardly a few days that she knew him. All she knew was that he has been in love before and has been bitten already. Now he is remembering the love of his life and is talking to a complete stranger just to let the emotions flow out of his despairing mind.
"Does the rain remind you of her?"
"Yes. When i met her first, it was raining and i could not resist her beauty. i was smitten then and there only. When she called me for the first time, it was raining and her voice felt like fresh drops of rains on my hand.When i first told her that i love her, it was raining and her response drenched me in the water of her love. And.."
"When you lost her.. it was raining too?"
"Yes. But i still love the rains. Because they bought me to her and every rain shower reminds me of her beauty and the days that we have spent together."
"Do you miss her?"
"Yes i do. Even more with the rains."
"I Love Rains too. Although Nothing specific but i do."
She tried to change the topic. Because she didn't want him to go back to the memories of his long lost love.
"OK."
She waited for a few seconds for him to say something. But he chose to remain silent. She became silent too. It was lightening outside and thundering as well.
"Is it thundering?"
He could hear that on phone.
"Yes."
Now his indifference was spreading in the night.. taking it over. He was not concerned much with what she has to say about this rain. And she was by now totally taken over by the indifference.
She had to talk what these rains remind her of. She has to tell him as well. She had reasons too to talk to a stranger.. She wanted to say things when she told him its raining. But he was not present there mentally.
"You like rains ?"
He broke the silence after a couple of minutes.
"Yes"
"But you dont have any specific reason. Do You ?"
"I Like rains because they bring back life to everything. They represent life to me."
"You can say this because you have not lost anyone you loved more then anything"
"You can say this because you are so totally engrossed in your own thoughts that you don't want to look what is happening around you.. You are talking to me from last few days and you still didnt care to ask if i have some pain in my life too. No one in this world has been happy throughout. But you have to find happiness in mundane things. You cant hold your past so tightly that it starts suffocating your present."
He didnt protest. He knew she was right.
"But i loved her. And it is not my fault that she left me."
"Its ok. Things don't always go as planned."
"But why me?"
"Because something else is waiting for you. You dont get what you want.. You get what you need. May be you just need to take it out of your mind. COMPLETELY. Life unfolds itself with surprises. May be you lost her. But then may be there are some other things waiting for you. You have to find happiness within yourself. Now noone can bring her back but you have to bring life back to yourself."
He went quite again.
"I am sorry"
"For What?"
"Just Like That. I didnt bother to ask anything about you. I was being very selfish."
"Are you generally ill mannered?"
He Smiled.
She Smiled too.
The indifference was dissolving.
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