Ever since their last conversation she was feeling free. She was relaxed for reasons unknown to her. She felt like her purpose of meeting this man was accomplished. This was the reason that she met him suddenly out of nowhere. Probably she was feeling free because she could equally counsel herself with this man. She was feeling light.
But their last conversation had put him to a lengthy thought process too. Her apprehensions seemed to have shifted from her to him. He was more scared than ever.
He knew he was lighter than ever but he didn’t know if what he has decided in himself is good for him.
“How you doing?”
“As good as ever.”
She now used to feel content after talking to him.
“Nice. So tell me. Tell me things that you want to.”
He wanted to hear about things now.
She started telling him general things which she would and she could talk to anyone around.
“Why you talk to me so much?”
He asked abruptly.
She went silent.
“I don’t know. May be because you are an honest man and I have never come across someone so honest in my life.”
“That is not just the reason.”
“You talk intelligent.”
She tried to find other reasons.
“Give me a better one.”
He insisted.
“Because I like talking to you!!”
“Exactly !!”
They both smiled.
“I want to tell you something.”
“ And that is ?”
“I have decided something.”
“Tell me.”
“I will not talk about my past to YOU or to anyone after this.”
“WHY ?”
She could not conceal the shock.
“I don’t want to think about it anymore. How will I be able to make a move if I stick to my past. I think you rightly said that if I will tightly close my eyes I won’t be able to see the beauty that lays ahead. I have so much more to explore.”
She was content with his words.
“Thanks for understanding this.”
She said.
“Thanks for listening patiently.”
She FELT joy for the first time. He FELT relaxed for the first time.
They both knew what each one of them was thinking.
The Night was not dark today. The night was not EMOTIONLESS today..
Monday, December 13, 2010
The turn..
“Don’t you think it takes courage to live in your past?”
He asked her.
“No. Not at all.”
“Why ?”
“You want me to answer this?”
“”Yes. I want to know your opinion about this.”
He told her.
“I think it takes courage to move on. Anyone can sit back and cry for his or her past but its takes a lot of courage to move on. Everyone has a past. I also have it. But I have learned to move on with time.”
He was as silent as the night was. It appeared to her that he has merged into the night and she was talking to herself.
“You have to understand one thing. That by holding yourself back you will lock yourself forever and when u will wish to turn back you won’t get a chance to. You say you still feel committed. But tell me what are you committed to? We are either committed to a person, a relation or a job. When the person has gone away and has taken the relation with her what are you committed to? You have to understand that to be committed there has to be something. You are only committed to your past and that is not enabling you to live in your future.”
She went silent now. She wanted him to say something.
“Say something now.”
“I am listening. And why the hell you are sounding so right”
“Because you know u want to move on but you yourself are restricting yourself.”
“I will think about it again.”
“Do that. You need to. You wish to but you are not able to. I am sure with a little
effort you will be able to do it. No job is tough if we don’t see it as one.”
Both of them went quite. The night was a very heavy one.
He asked her.
“No. Not at all.”
“Why ?”
“You want me to answer this?”
“”Yes. I want to know your opinion about this.”
He told her.
“I think it takes courage to move on. Anyone can sit back and cry for his or her past but its takes a lot of courage to move on. Everyone has a past. I also have it. But I have learned to move on with time.”
He was as silent as the night was. It appeared to her that he has merged into the night and she was talking to herself.
“You have to understand one thing. That by holding yourself back you will lock yourself forever and when u will wish to turn back you won’t get a chance to. You say you still feel committed. But tell me what are you committed to? We are either committed to a person, a relation or a job. When the person has gone away and has taken the relation with her what are you committed to? You have to understand that to be committed there has to be something. You are only committed to your past and that is not enabling you to live in your future.”
She went silent now. She wanted him to say something.
“Say something now.”
“I am listening. And why the hell you are sounding so right”
“Because you know u want to move on but you yourself are restricting yourself.”
“I will think about it again.”
“Do that. You need to. You wish to but you are not able to. I am sure with a little
effort you will be able to do it. No job is tough if we don’t see it as one.”
Both of them went quite. The night was a very heavy one.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
After some days..
She had almost forgotten about the stranger by then. She was sure that he was not to return. She was just enjoying her favorite season. Winters. She always associated herself with winters. And it was her time of the year. So she was calm ad thoughtless.
This was a very cold night. She was not waiting for anyone and was quite relaxed. She was thinking about what ever events have happened in her life in the past few days. It was late night already and when she was least expecting it. He called.
She could not react. Neither was she happy. Nor was she sad. She thought for a second and then took his call.
"Its been quite some time."
He said.
"Yes. How are you?"
She was very cold and indifferent now.
"I am good."
"You never called after that so i thought you are gone now."
"I have the tendency to go. But i come back. At times i need to be on my own. But that does not mean that i am gone."
"OK."
"I know any normal human being would expect to keep in touch. But i am a bit abnormal."
He smiled. Though she smiled but she was still indifferent.
"So how have you been."
"Its strange but i missed you for the first few days."
"Are you falling in love with me?"
He asked.
"Not at all. I missed the conversation we used to have. I somehow always relish the things you used to talk to me. Its a relation free of expectations and demands. And that had bought a lot of comfort to me."
He went silent.
"I just like COMMUNICATING. I can't love again either."
For the first time he realized that she has emotions too. He had almost forgotten that she has a long lost love too. He was embarrassed at his own question.
"Yes. I like communicating with you too. Its like I can be as honest as i want to. But I dont want you to expect from me. You felt bad when I didnt call you. But did you call me either?"
This time she went silent.
"Why do u want me to pursue you. Whats wrong if you call me and tell me that you want to talk to me."
"I just wanted to know if you are talking to me because we actually are as connected as you said we are or we are talking only because you felt heavy and you wanted someone or may be anyone to talk to."
"Why you want me to categorize our relation. You know most people believe that there are two types of relations in this world. One is the natural ones like family and the other ones are those you make. Like falling in love, Like making friends. But you know there can be other types of relations too. You can be in attached to a human being, an individual, an idea, a place. And once you are attached it does not need to be visited again and again. It does not require you to pay homage everyday. You can visit them anytime you feel and then be as happy as you were to see them or be associated to them for the first time.
Same is you for me. I might not talk to you everyday. But that does not mean that I am not attached to you. You and I can communicate and that is all i expect from you."
She was listening to all he said very quietly.
"You want to ask something else from me ?"
He asked.
"I got my reply already."
She smiled. He smiled too. Once again they both could cope up with the indifference.
"So it stopped raining?"
"Yes ever since you stopped calling. It stopped raining."
"You associate me with rains?"
"Do you have any doubts."
"But its cold here."
"Yes because now its my time."
They both smiled.
This was a very cold night. She was not waiting for anyone and was quite relaxed. She was thinking about what ever events have happened in her life in the past few days. It was late night already and when she was least expecting it. He called.
She could not react. Neither was she happy. Nor was she sad. She thought for a second and then took his call.
"Its been quite some time."
He said.
"Yes. How are you?"
She was very cold and indifferent now.
"I am good."
"You never called after that so i thought you are gone now."
"I have the tendency to go. But i come back. At times i need to be on my own. But that does not mean that i am gone."
"OK."
"I know any normal human being would expect to keep in touch. But i am a bit abnormal."
He smiled. Though she smiled but she was still indifferent.
"So how have you been."
"Its strange but i missed you for the first few days."
"Are you falling in love with me?"
He asked.
"Not at all. I missed the conversation we used to have. I somehow always relish the things you used to talk to me. Its a relation free of expectations and demands. And that had bought a lot of comfort to me."
He went silent.
"I just like COMMUNICATING. I can't love again either."
For the first time he realized that she has emotions too. He had almost forgotten that she has a long lost love too. He was embarrassed at his own question.
"Yes. I like communicating with you too. Its like I can be as honest as i want to. But I dont want you to expect from me. You felt bad when I didnt call you. But did you call me either?"
This time she went silent.
"Why do u want me to pursue you. Whats wrong if you call me and tell me that you want to talk to me."
"I just wanted to know if you are talking to me because we actually are as connected as you said we are or we are talking only because you felt heavy and you wanted someone or may be anyone to talk to."
"Why you want me to categorize our relation. You know most people believe that there are two types of relations in this world. One is the natural ones like family and the other ones are those you make. Like falling in love, Like making friends. But you know there can be other types of relations too. You can be in attached to a human being, an individual, an idea, a place. And once you are attached it does not need to be visited again and again. It does not require you to pay homage everyday. You can visit them anytime you feel and then be as happy as you were to see them or be associated to them for the first time.
Same is you for me. I might not talk to you everyday. But that does not mean that I am not attached to you. You and I can communicate and that is all i expect from you."
She was listening to all he said very quietly.
"You want to ask something else from me ?"
He asked.
"I got my reply already."
She smiled. He smiled too. Once again they both could cope up with the indifference.
"So it stopped raining?"
"Yes ever since you stopped calling. It stopped raining."
"You associate me with rains?"
"Do you have any doubts."
"But its cold here."
"Yes because now its my time."
They both smiled.
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